Be grateful for all the good things you have in your life, especially all the good people. As the years pass, I look back on my time spent with you and I no longer see it as wasted time (which is what I would have said a few years back). It was time spent with an amazing person that brought so much to my life. I appreciate your honesty and your generosity. Today you had to tell me some tough news, and its ok, I completely understand. I do really miss you.

Beautiful Boy

When I first saw you, you immediately reminded me of someone from my past, someone I'd known as a child. There was just something about you. You came up and introduced yourself, I took notice, if only for a moment cause my mind was all wrapped up around something else at the time, someone else. It wasn't until months later that we had our first date. That night, you were perfect, there was nothing, absolutely nothing that wasn't done just right. Even my dog loved you from the first moment. You were a perfect match to my subconscious checklist, and it was icing on the cake that you were absolutely beautiful to look at, yet you seemed (at first) to be completely unaware of it. I didn't get swept away though, don't get me wrong, I'm jaded enough not to let that happen (or even have the ability to allow it to). I liked you. I really liked you. At last, a glove that fit. I had been waiting for so long. I liked that you seemed insecure and unsure of yourself even though outwardly you had it completely going on. I liked that you took your job seriously (where the last one just seemed so lax about his). I liked that you (like me) had an unusual background. Check, check, check went my subconscious. Those few weeks were happy ones for me, it had been a long time since I felt that way and I liked it. But we only lasted a few months, you admitted you weren't ready for a relationship and so we parted ways. I always knew you would come back though, I knew we had unfinished business. And, so it went, I carried on. Occasionally we'd email, text. Just when I'd started to forget you. Just when the memory of your beautiful face was starting to fade, you reappeared. It'd been months, and I was happy to see you. And so we had our second chance, the one I'd been waiting for at first, the one I'd let go of eventually. This time, I was going to do things differently. This time I was going to let you see the edgier side of me. So I busied myself and busied us around activities, around surprising you. Every time one event past, I was busy planning the next. If I kept things moving, we stood a chance. Deep down I knew we wouldn't last, but at the same time I hoped that we'd last long enough. But it wasn't to be. I'm not angry at you for what happened. I'm past that. Should you have been honest? Yes. Should I have not rushed us? Yes. Am I sad that once again, as abruptly as you returned, you are gone? Yes. But I thank you for reminding me that I have the ability to feel this way, thank you for reminding me that it can happen. Thank you for helping me let go of something that had a terrible hold on me (that something that was bothering me the night we met). That is gone completely now. I'm gonna miss you for a while. I'll miss that beautiful face. But I know now that it will happen again, someday, when I least expect it to, someone will come and sweep me away.