Intervention

Has it really gone that far that I need an intervention? I don't know. Its definitely fucked with my head, that's for sure. But, I'm not in denial (at least not anymore). I know its not healthy, I know I have to put an end to this for good. I know it!! I just need to find a practical way of applying this knowledge. "Just don't talk to him" - it's never that easy! Especially when I still L-O-V-E the guy (that sounds so corny and stupid, but unfortunately its true). Then there's the whole work issue; I am required to talk to him when it comes to the work that we do. And, my pain in the arse Type A personality drives me to go full force after the things that I want, not in my nature to be and let be. Then there's my love of falling into old habits - its just so, so easy for me, I love the comfort of the old and familiar. Being a single gal, we do get lonely now and then ....his hugs are so comforting, his voice/laugh so familiar. My dumb-dumb thought process goes something like this....One lunch - won't hurt! An innocent gchat conversation - what's the harm in that! A little snuggle - never hurt a soul! Outcome = BING-BANG-BOOM back to square one all over again!! Dear Lord, I have absolutely no self-control, pretty much none whatsoever. Maybe its true, maybe only an intervention can help me...or maybe all I need is time.

Not Fugly Enough

I've pondered the question for so very long....why? why? The answer sooooooo simply. The first, uglier than sin! The second, not so ugly just aged. The third, long in the face and dresses like Jan Brady. Enough said!

new season = new beginnings + new boots!

It's official! Our extremely short, dreadful little Boston summer is now over. The smell of fall is in the air! I'm extremely happy about this for oh so many reasons. First, I'm happy that this year's miserable summer has come to an end, there was nothing special about it, nothing memorable (or, at least, nothing I wish to remember). The weather sucked. My life, for the most part, sucked. I was disappointed by the actions of a few, some caught me by surprise, but that is a topic for another day. And, that brings me to the second reason I am happy for the new season, the smell of change is in the air! And, I am welcoming it with open arms. I'm embracing the possibilities of new faces, new places, new experiences and new things. My condo is anew and in a state of transformation, new hardwood floors, new paint, new sofa (being delivered in 6 - 8 weeks), new look, new feel. Third reason, is simply boots! I adore boots in all shapes and sizes ranging from hooker boots (which I have yet to own) to knee high boots to booties. I like sleek stylish boots, comfy boots and maybe even cowboy boots. I love to wear them with jeans, skinny fit or boot cut, or with a skirt and leggings. I just adore leggings and boots.....love em, love em, love em. Welcome fall! I missed you!

amazing weekend

I think I've been proven wrong....

if its broke, how many times do you try to fix it?

In relationships/life how many times do you try to fix something? You always hope that the outcome will somehow be different, better than it was before. In your minds eye, you hold onto a picture of how things could be, if only this, or if only that. You hold on not because of the reality, but because of that picture of how you hope and dream things will be. But, the reality has never even been close to what you wanted or dreamt of. Sometimes you have to put away your hopeless romantic, and let the realist take over. The realist will keep you from suffering endlessly for a dream, a hope that will never come true. The realist will let you see that some times walking away is truly the best option.

My Prayer (Disclaimer: Religious Post)

God, give me the strenght to accept the things I can not change. Help me to understand and forgive those who have hurt me. Help me to let go and release the pain that binds me. Lead me to the new doors you have opened for me, allow me to see the new possiblities life has to offer. Give me strenght, courage and wisdom to deal with all the hurdles that come my way. That is my prayer Lord, heavenly Father. Amen.

Babie Post...again

So I finally decided to stop putting off Babie's oral surgery. I'd been putting it off for two years. I'd say, ok with my tax money, or with my bonus I'll do the surgery, and two years later, I still hadn't done it. This year, I was consumed with guilt when the doctor brought it up during Babie's rabies vaccine visit, so much so that I finally agreed to get it done. The estimate was now up to a whopping $625-700. That was in addition to the $209 I paid for the examination, rabies shot, 6-months of heart worm meds, and blood work. Babie's surgery was yesterday and luckily it went really well. And, to my wallet's relief it was only $450. I guess her teeth were in better shape then they had expected. I did get a little added bonus too. She came home last night with a bandaged right paw (where the IV had been). I was told not to remove the bandage until I got home. To my surprise, when I did remove the bandage, they had completely shaved the entire paw, all around, front to back. Was that really necessary? And, why didn't they tell me? I know! Probably because they suspected I was vain, which they are completely right, I am vain. I like my puppy looking gorgeous with a beautiful shiny black and brown coat (and anyone who has seen Babie will agree she has one heck of a coat). But anyway, the important thing is the procedure is done, her teeth are pearly white (really white - I was able to peek in there just a bit - though she's reluctant to have anything near her mouth so the weekly cleanings should be a joy) and she is back to acting like her bubbly little self (minus fur on one paw). Pics to follow...

Babie

I've neglected you, my little ball of fuzzy fur. You are my truest of friends and you are always so happy to see me walk through the door. I vow from this day forward to give you more attention, to teach you not to bark at strangers, to take you out for long walks in the park and watch you hop around like a little bunny. I love you my dear little friend.

When life gives you lemons, get a haircut!

The last few weeks of my life have been filled with disappointments, stress, anxiety, backstabbing and bullshit. Its come at me from all directions, work, love life, condo, friends, great ones, crappy ones...of course, I have been down....who wouldn't be!!

But its time to start turning things around. There's always going to be the EGS's and the CM's, the BE's of this world. I turn my back to you and I say fuck off! You're blocked and done.

So, on to the fabulous life of me....and my new haircut, options displayed.

Loyalty

I remember long ago when I rented the place in Florida and the girl in
the office was rude to me. You went in there to straighten things
out. She told you that I had called her a bitch. Your response to
her, " well, you must have done something to deserve it." Best
response ever! You had my back, no matter what. Maybe I should'nt
have called her a bitch, maybe I could have handlled it better but no
matter, your loyalty remained with me. Thanks for that. I'll always
remember that. Loyalty like that is hard to come by these days. It
doesn't take much for people to forget the nice things you've done, or the times you've gone out of your way. Seems these days
people forget kindness quickly and are just as quick to turn
against you.

--
Sent from my mobile device

anger and hatred

I find that when I am experiencing severe emotional pain, I am much more willing to hate and much less tolerant of those who have wronged me in the past. Its as if all the grudges I've let go of resurface again. If the true judge of character is based on how a person behaves during times of adversity, then I'm clearly not as nice of a person as I like to think I am. I am so annoyed right now by people like CM, ES-G, EO...but mostly ES-G, I just hate that bitch. She is the true meaning of the word bitch; if you were to look up the word in the dictionary, there should be a picture of her right beside that word. ES-G, the big bitch! The first time I ever laid eyes on her name (she used to be just ES) was in an email. I'd never seen her, had no idea who she was. I remember her extremely rude response to a friendly email from a mutual coworker. It was a harmless email, a just-for-fun kinda email. She responded in such a harsh evil way, that I remember distinctly thinking, "who is this bitch?". Later I would meet her, live and in person. Being the nice person that I am (I think I am), I decided not to judge ES by my first introduction to her (the evil bitch email). I decided to let that go. Later ES wouldn't be so kind to me. Later ES would unleash her evil venom. Then ES (now ES-G) would bare a child. Then I would again be a nice person and attempt to look at ES-G as a "mother", but you know what she's just an EVIL BITCH. That poor kid!

this is so cool

test test test

I'm testing a new feature

men with kids, need not apply

It took me a really, really long time to come to this conclusion....I don't want to date anyone who has kids. I tried oh so hard to be fair or what I thought was being "fair"....I thought "I should give you a chance if you have a kid", "I shouldn't write you off, if you have a kid", "I might miss out on a great guy, if I rule out men with kids". But the "ugly" truth is I don't want a kid right now, and that means that anyone who has kids is just not for me. Plus the man in question (the one with the kids) I was never attracted to in the first place. He's a nice guy, at least what I know of him (after the "lies, sex and cello" incident, I trust no one). But whatever, bottom line is I DON'T WANT KIDS, so if you got kids.............NEXT!! (When I am ready for dating again that is, cause I'm not ready right now, the LSC incident is still too fresh)

truth will set you free

For a very long time, I was under your spell. Did what you wanted, obeyed, allowed you to control me. Well, the bubble has burst and now I'm done with all that. Its time to reveal to the world what type of scum you truly are. You cheated, you lied, you manipulated. Now she knows the truth and I am so glad. I am sorry that I was apart of your games, and that I allowed you to play me the way you did. But I am oh so happy now that she knows and she no longer speaks to you, its EXACTLY what you deserve, if not more. If there weren't laws against it, I would spit in your face and kick you right where it counts. But I can't. So instead I will laugh at you. Are you sad cause your precious hates you? Can you hear that? Yeah, its the sound of the world's smallest cello playing just for you! Maybe if you were a stand up guy, none of this would have happened. Maybe if you were mature, none of this would have happened. If you had any morals or values, none of this would have happened. I'm sure you have concocted a story to tell, one that makes me look like the bad one, perhaps I tricked you, or entrapped you, or tripped and fell on your d*ck. Hahaha!! I'm sure you have quit a story to tell. Doesn't matter asshole, cause those who are important to me, know the truth. You should be ashamed of yourself. I hope you are crying yourself to sleep at night, cause that is what you deserve. I've been accused of a few things in my life, but being unfair/unjust is not one of them. I am very fair, and very just and I am certain you deserve any emotional pain you are in at the moment. Maybe this world is fair after all!!

Day 2

I'm in much better spirits today, but its still not easy.

Day 1

Maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, maybe its all the snow that I'm sick of cleaning off the car....but I'm in a rare mood today. I'm super bitchy and ready to bite someone's (anyone's) head off. Oh, and its Day 1.

Venting

I just want to take the glass elevator to the top floor of this building, lean over the glass railing and yell at the top of my lungs...

"You're an ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!"

You're an insensitive, selfish, deceitful, immoral PIG! Go fuck yourself!!